Self-Indulgence
by Sporadic Delusions
Summary: "'Close the lane for the straight,' Kuro instructs, adjusting Tsukishima's arms." Tsukishima doesn't remember how he ended up here again. All he knows is that this, without a doubt, is something akin to self-indulgence. Oneshot. Doesn't follow exact timeline


**Self-Indulgence**

" _Close the lane for the straight," Kuroo instructs, adjusting Tsukishima's arms._ Tsukishima doesn't remember how he ended up here again. All he knows is that this, without a doubt, is something akin to self-indulgence.

Probably OOC.

Doesn't follow exact timeline. Kind of sappy at times. Clearly I can't write.

 **Disclaimer - I don't own Haikyuu**

* * *

 _Tsukishima_

* * *

"Close the lane for the straight," Kuroo instructs, adjusting Tsukishima's arms. He feels a shiver run up his back and supresses it.

Tsukishima doesn't know how he ended up here again, just his extreme reluctance to show up. He knows that this started with stupid, pathetic Bokuto Koutarou, roping him into blocking for the wing spiker, and then Kuroo Tetsurou taking an interest in creating a better team of Karasuno. He knows that it continued because of Hinata's words – _It's impossible –_ somehow implying that Tsukishima simply isn't capable of something, which, of course, is ridiculous, because he absolutely is. And he knows that it all stems back to Yamaguchi, up in his face and telling him that he's pathetic.

He also knows he shouldn't be here anymore. He should be practising with Akiteru's team. He should be practising with his _own_ team. He should be asking for the coach's help. There's absolutely no reason Tsukishima should be accepting help from Nekoma. Why is he?

"Anticipate the toss. Recognize the options," Kuroo continues. Tsukishima watches his example, trying not to be distracted by the well-defined muscles.

Kuroo is an amazing blocker. Maybe that's the reason. He's tall and lean, with a powerful jump that is based in his muscled thighs and calves (Tsukishima would know. He can barely get his mind off them). He reads the setter, the toss, and the spiker. His timing is flawless. He has drive. Tsukishima envies that most of all. Tsukishima's tall, too. He could easily become stronger. He's intelligent, could absolutely read the other team, could time the jump to perfection if he had to. But motivation? Tsukishima has no idea where it comes from. It's ever elusive, slipping right through his fingertips. Just as the ball always does.

"Aw, hell yeah!" Bokuto crows triumphantly, dancing around the court. Beside him, Akaashi Keiji watches him tiredly, shaking his head.

"Were you even trying?" Kuroo asks rhetorically. "Give it some effort, man."

Tsukishima grunts and turns away, feigning indifference. He really should've had that ball. It wasn't one of Bokuto's best hits and he shouldn't have let it ricochet off his hands and into the wall.

"Next one!" Bokuto shouts, completely ignoring the one-sided exchange between the other pair. "I'll get this one, too."

Bokuto kind of gets on Tsukishima's nerves. He's like Hinata – way to pumped about everything. Tsukishima finds himself longing to demolish the owl, to block the spike, to knock him down a peg. Is that motivation? Must not be an entirely terrible thing, he concludes.

"Last one, then," Akaashi says, snapping the ball to Bokuto.

"Whatever," Tsukishima mutters at the same time as Bokuto announces, "Let's do this!"

"Remember what I said, Tsukki," Kuro says and Tsukishima's not sure if he should punch him or not for using the nickname. He only grudgingly lets Yamaguchi use it and they've known each other for much longer. He decides not to, because showing Kuroo's face his fist might then lead to showing him his mouth. "Close off the lane of the straight."

"Osu," he says and focusses on the pair on the opposite side of the net. Bokuto throws the volleyball up and Akaashi raises his hands for the toss. Tsukishima hones in on them.

No delay. Bokuto's already jumped. So the toss… Now. Tsukishima springs upwards, watching the arm swing, just in time for the swing and the spiker across from him slams the ball off the side of his arm and down. Straight down. Right into Tsukishima's half of the court. _Shit._

He grits his teeth as he lands, frustrated that he couldn't block the hit.

"Closer," Kuroo says, throwing him that lazy grin. Tsukishima quickly looks away. He's caught himself more than once falling into Kuroo's trap, entranced by that smile and the bedhead that seems to suit him. Kuroo is handsome, Tsukishima can admit to himself. At first, he could ignore it easily, deflect it with a shield of _he probably has a shit personality_ , but as it turns out, Kuroo's a perfectly nice guy, once you get past the hair and the sharp, predatory smile. Now it's not so easy to the looks throw aside without second thought, not so easy to concentrate when Kuro's sweet and unbearably sexy.

"Gather the volleyballs, would ya?" Kuroo tells him and he nods, turning to pick up the balls that had been spiked into the corners.

 _God, Kei, get a grip._ He knows he can't think that way about Kuroo. First of all, they're rivals, even though Tsukishima's fairly certain that rivals don't usually help each other out. Secondly, Kuroo's two years older. Not to mention the fact that Kuroo has Kenma glued to his side. So while Tsukishima likes to ogle from a distance, he's careful. Careful not to get too close. Careful not to fall into Kuro's magnetic web.

"See ya later, Megane-kun," Kuroo calls, sending him a grin as Tsukishima exits. So, so careful. But _damn_ is it hard.

* * *

 _Tsukishima_

* * *

"Sorry, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi says, laughing, trailing close behind him. Yamaguchi is always saying it, but never seems to mean those words. Tsukishima isn't really mad, and can't seem to push himself into that angry state of mind with Tadashi. They've been friends too long. And really, it takes a real asshole to blow up at your best and only friend over said friend being too proud of you.

Tsukishima understands that Yamaguchi looks up to him. While he's not really certain he's the best person to admire, he is grateful for Yamaguchi's constant presence.

He can still remember the first time they met, if only vaguely. Mostly, he remembers Yamaguchi finding him at a volleyball tryout. He remembers Yamaguchi's earnest expression. He can recall his own feelings perfectly: annoyed. But also appreciated. Though he hadn't really thought of this as a positive, he now knows to appreciate back. So now, when Tadashi follows him, lit up with a grin, he just clicks his tongue.

They continue walking across the gym, Yamaguchi jabbering something about Nishinoya being unable to return his jump float serve.

 _Ahh._ That's why Yamaguchi is so talkative, Tsukishima realizes. His friend is usually quieter, even after all those years of friendship. When they first met, Yamaguchi was incredibly shy, blushing every time he spoke. He's still not extremely chatty. Tsukishima feels what might be contentment settling in his chest, grateful for the trust Yamaguchi has placed in him. He frowns at that thought. Is he getting soft?

"Tsukki! How's the blocking coming?"

Kuro has materialized in front of them and Yamaguchi's voice cuts off abruptly. Tsukishima glances at him. His eyebrows have shot up, surprise etched over his face and he's clearly expecting Kei to cut off Kuroo's head. Tsukishima's surprised as well, but mostly because he hadn't even considered it.

"Okay," Tsukishima responds curtly. They didn't practise the day before. Tsukishima didn't really expect Kuroo to ask about the blocking.

"You gonna practise with us again today?" Kuroo asks and Tsukishima sighs and looks away for a moment because he needs to be able to concentrate to say no. He doesn't really enjoy volleyball, doesn't want to put in the extra work, but Kuroo makes him feel all mixed up. He takes a moment to gather himself. Beside him, Tadashi is still looking confused.

"You guys are practising together?"

"Yeah," Kuroo says with a grin. "Bokuto roped him into it. Tsukki's got great potential for blocking."

 _Yes. Right. Of course._ Tsukishima had momentarily forgotten the reason why Kuroo always wants to teach him. He wants to play against Karasuno as equals. Doesn't want Tsukki's potential to go to waste. Blah, blah, blah. Tsukishima sighs again, refocusing Yamaguchi's attention.

"You should," he urges, patting Tsukishima's scowls irritably. There he was, feeling all warm and fuzzy about Yamaguchi sticking with him despite his egocentric tendencies and Yamaguchi goes and stabs him in the back.

 _I thought we were friends,_ he thinks grouchily.

"Oi, it can't be that bad," Yamaguchi says, reading his expression with ease. Kuroo is watching their exchange quietly, eyes darting between them. Tsukishima shoots Tadashi a pained look, begging him to say something that will get him out of this debacle. He can practically see his humility shrinking every time he allows Kuroo to give him tips. _Please, Yamaguchi, please don't do this to me._

"Shut up, Tadashi," he snaps. Tadashi? Damn, he really is going soft. He can't even deliver a blow that will quiet Yamaguchi down.

And Tadashi is standing his ground, evidently feeling very confident after serving up a floater that Nishinoya couldn't touch. He had been going to congratulate his friend on it, but if this ends the way he thinks it's going to, he's changed his mind. There's a pregnant pause.

"So…is that a no?"

Kuroo's offering him a way out of it? From what Tsukishima knows of Kuroo, this is a rare opportunity. He wants to take it but Yamaguchi is staring at him, eyes boring holes straight into his brain, daring him to say no. Unfortunately, Tsukishima can't turn down a challenge.

"Fine," Tsukishima snaps, not even sparing Kuroo as glance.

"What?"

"You heard me," Tsukishima growls. "I'll be there."

He stalks away, gripping Yamaguchi's wrist, dragging him along.

"Why?" he hisses as soon as they are out of earshot. "I thought we were friends."

"Sorry, Tsukki," Yamaguchi apologizes, even as a smile plays on his lips.

So Tsukishima spends the practise match fuming at Yamaguchi and consequently, at the rest of the team. They're playing Fukurodani today, meaning Kuroo wasn't in the gym to play, but rather talk to Tsukishima, as he left immediately after. Tsukishima's head is starting to hurt.

Karasuno gets crushed by Fukurodani, following the trend they set to start the training camp. Bokuto smashes his spikes off of Tsukishima's arms and hands, ricocheting wildly, sometimes even evading the block completely. Tsukishima sighs, frustrated, desperately wanting to punch Bokuto but it would go against his ' _I hate hot-blooded people'_ motto. His style is a more of a passive-aggressive approach, choosing to subtly insult people. Or at least, subtly insult Kageyama and Hinata. Those two are too stupid to understand even the simplest of insults, so it's no surprise when Tsukishima's jabs fly way over their heads.

Tsukishima sighs dramatically. They have to complete the penalty ( _again_ ) and all he wants to do is fall into bed. However, Yamaguchi's forced him into practising even more.

Slowly, painstakingly, they perform a court length of flying falls and then Bokuto's up in his face.

"Tsukki! Come on, let's go! I can't wait to crush some more spikes off of you!"

 _Does everyone have to call him Tsukki?_ Tsukishima growls at him but Bokuto doesn't even notice. Yamaguchi waves after him and Tsukishima glares at him too. The rest of Karasuno watches the pair leave, clearly shocked that Tsukishima is talking to the other team, that he's participating in extra practise.

They arrive at the second gym, volleyball nets still set up. Kuroo is leaning against the far wall, phone in hand, Kenma at his side. He looks up as Tsukishima and Bokuto enter, a sharp smile growing on his face. Kenma doesn't even glance up from his handheld. Tsukishima can respect that. He can't shake the tug on his heart, though, at the sight of the two cats together. He chooses to ignore it.

"Where's Akaashi?" Kuroo calls out. Bokuto looks around.

"Damn. Slipped away. I'll find him though! I have Akaashi radar, you know," he boasts proudly. Tsukishima snorts.

"Pretty sure that's your gay-dar."

Kuroo stifles a laugh and Bokuto glares at them.

"Call it what you will," he dismisses with a wave of his hand. "C'mon Kenma, let's get him."

Kenma still doesn't look up. "Do we have to."

It's not really a question, as if Kenma is already resigned to his fate but can't help but voice his displeasure. Tsukiahima likes that about him too.

"Yeah, or else you'll have to set!"

Kenma sighs quietly and pulls himself off the wall. He and Bokuto start on their search for Akaashi and Tsukishima slides to the floor in the vacated space. He buries his head in his hands and lets out a long breath.

"Hey, you okay?" Kuroo asks, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, just tired," Tsukishima mutters.

"You didn't have to come, you know," Kuroo says. Tsukki thinks he hears something like uncertainty in his voice.

"Bokuto wasn't going to let me get away."

"No – No, I mean, I didn't – I didn't mean to pressure you into coming earlier."

"That was mostly Yamaguchi. Its fine," Tsukishima says. He wasn't expecting this. He didn't think Kuroo got so worked up over small, meaningless points.

There's a small pause, as if Kuroo's questioning what he's about to say and Tsukishima looks up. Kuroo's standing there, mouth opening and closing like a fish.

"You and Yamaguchi, you're really close," Kuroo says finally.

"I guess." Normally, he would've protested with a _Not really_ but Tsukishima can still recall the incident earlier today, can still hear himself calling him Tadashi. Tsukishima can guess where this is heading but doesn't want to assume anything. He'd rather avoid the question, if possible.

"Are you –" Kuroo stops and now he seems really nervous. "Are you two – together?"

The question comes out all jerky and Tsukishima sighs. He knew it.

"No," he says.

"No?"

"No," Tsukishima confirms, sighing again. He wants to ask if Kuroo and Kenma are dating but he can't summon the courage.

"Oh," Kuroo whispers and his shoulders sag. Tsukishima stares at him. Was that disappointment or relief? He didn't even know this side of Kuroo existed.

"Kenma and I aren't dating," Kuroo says then, and Tsukishima feels all the tension leave his body, but he doesn't let his body posture slip.

"I wasn't wondering. I don't care," Tsukishima says, and it sounds fake, even to him.

"I know," Kuroo mutters. "But a lot of people think we are and sometimes it's kind of overwhelming, you know?"

"Yes," Tsukishima says stiffly. "I know."

Why is he here with Kuroo? Not to block. Might as well admit it really. Tsukishima knows that this, without a doubt, is something akin to self-indulgence. _Pathetic._

* * *

 _Kuroo_

* * *

What is wrong with him? All that time spent with Tsukishima, taking it up a notch, adding _flirts shamelessly_ to his resume of actions, and he still couldn't work up the courage to ask for his number.

"Chicken," Kenma murmurs, tapping away at his phone.

"Ugh," he groans in frustration. Why didn't he ask? "Come on, take this seriously, Kenma. I need your help."

Beside him, Kenma shrugs and it's not like Kuroo's expecting anything more but he still wants to shake Kenma. "You should've asked while you had the chance."

"I know, I know, can't you just…ask Hinata for it, or something?" Kuroo begs.

"I don't think Hinata has Tsukishima's number," Kenma says, almost bumping into a streetlamp. Kuroo grabs his arm and drags him out of harm's way.

"What can I do?"

"You should tell him how you feel," Kenma muses.

"I can't exactly do that if I don't have his number."

"Just explain to him how you feel. Nothing fancy, don't embarrass him in front of the rest of the world," Kenma continues, steamrolling Kuroo's attempts to protest in the process. "Keep it simple."

"Have you confessed before?" Kuroo asks, suspicious, and just as he thought, Kenma shakes his head.

"It's not like it would be much use anyway," Kenma says. "Tsukishima hardly like anyone I know."

This is true, at least. Kuroo mulls over this in silence and they walk the rest of the way home, Kuroo occasionally pulling Kenma out of the way of what would be very painful collisions. Mostly for Kuroo, because then he'd have to nurse Kenma back to health.

"Whatever," he says finally. "I still don't have his number."

"Just go visit him, or something," Kenma mumbles.

Which is how Kuroo ends up on the train to Miyagi. Did he have a plan? Not really, but jumping head first into things without thinking them through was just another useful skill he'd picked up after spending too much time with Bokuto.

The train moves pretty fast and it seems as if he's avoided rush hour. Maybe it's a blessing, or maybe not. Kuroo doesn't really know what he's going to say to Tsukishima once he sees him. The time passes to fast, and before he knows it, the train is slowing to a halt at the Miyagi station. Kuroo lets himself be swept off with the other bodies commuting between the two regions, all consumed by the anxiety fluttering in his chest.

He leaves the station. What to say, what to say. He doesn't pay attention to where he's going, until ten minutes later when he realizes he has no clue where Tsukishima lives. Or his own current location.

"What the fuck?" he mutters, looking around. He sighs again, louder this time. Ten minutes in and he's already lost. The problem with Miyagi is that all the streets look the same. Maybe Kuroo had accused the Karasuno team of being idiotic when every metal tower had been thought to be the Tokyo Skytree, but now that he was here, alone in Miyagi, he's reminded of how hard it is to find your way around in unfamiliar territory. He stops in the middle of the sidewalk. Where is he?

He has half a mind to knock on someone's door and ask for directions but right now, he's too tired. He sits down and buries his head in his hands, closing his eyes. He just needs a minute to… To what, exactly? Rest? Collect his thoughts? One minute he's walking down the main street and one wrong turn later, he's hopelessly lost. He can use his phone for directions. He can text Kenma for Tsukishima's address. Possibly. He did not think this through.

"Kuroo?"

"Tsukki?" At first, Kuroo's sure his eyes and ears are betraying him but he reaches out and Tsukishima's arm is solid beneath his fingertips. Tsukishima sucks in a slow breath.

"Kuroo, are you okay?" Tsukishima looks uncomfortable just asking, but Kuroo will take what he can get. In fact, this might even be more than he expected because there's a faint pink flush painting Tsukishima's cheeks. Kuroo's never seen anything so adorable.

"Yeah," he says finally, forcing himself to focus on the question instead of the way Tsukishima's eyebrows have scrunched up in concern. "Yeah, I'm fine, just lost."

Tsukishima raises an eyebrow, apathetic as always but Kuroo catches a glimmer of mirth in his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Tsukishima asks. _Shit._ Shit. Abort mission. There's no way he can tell Tsukishima. This was a dumb idea, so dumb. He's going to murder Kenma when he gets back but now, he's stuck looking desperately for an excuse.

"I, uh, I needed to," Kuroo stutters. Tsukishima looks like he's trying not to laugh. "I needed to pick up something for my dad's birthday."

"In Miyagi." Tsukishima's eyebrow raises in disbelief.

"Uh, yeah," Kuroo says. "Some phone, or something."

"Uh-huh."

"So...do you live around here?" Kuroo asks, trying to deflect the attention.

Tsukishima ignores the question (it's not like Kuroo really expected an answer anyway) and pushes his glasses up his nose. Kuroo remembers calling him Megane-kun before he learned his name, and then after, just to tease him. He wonders how he's switched to Tsukki so quickly.

"Where's Yamaguchi?" Kuroo tries, realizing Tsukishima's best friend is nowhere in sight. "I thought you guys were always together."

"Not really," Tsukki grumbles and then turns away.

"Where are you going?" Kuroo calls indignantly, panic setting in. "Oi, don't just leave me –"

"We still need to get your dad a present, right?"

The way Tsukishima says it is irritable and pushy and Kuroo thinks it's to hide the uncertainty lingering in his eyes. He smiles at the thought and scrambles over to the younger teen.

"Yeah."

They fall into semi-amiable silence, although Kuroo is cursing himself for his lame excuse because no way he has enough money for a phone. Tsukishima seems more relaxed outside of the volleyball court. Kuroo's never met someone who plays volleyball with such passionate disinterest. He's intriguing, that's for sure. How would you convince yourself to continue when you clearly have no interest in doing so? Kuroo remembers trying soccer for a summer before deciding that it just wasn't good enough. He'd quit almost immediately.

"Tsukki, why do you play volleyball?" Beside him, he hears a sharp intake of breath. Kuroo glances sideways at him. His lips are drawn into a thin line and his hands are clenched in tight fists. Kuroo can't help but feel slightly surprised that the question set him off. It can't be the first time it's been asked.

Kuroo, of course, plays volleyball because it's fun. He likes the satisfying sting in his arms when he blocks or receives a ball. He likes the sound the ball makes when it collides with the floor on the opposite side of the court, the split second of silence after, and then the eruption of cheering that follows a point. He likes the other team's subdued expression.

Kuroo likes playing with Kenma, likes whipping Lev into shape and joking with Yaku in practise. It doesn't seem that these are things Tsukishima enjoys, though. He doesn't get along with his teammates and the look on his face after a deadening block can't be called _satisfaction._

"Why?" Tsukishima whispers. He's come to a halt, staring at the ground. He shrugs. "Self-indulgence?"

His flush returns with full force and Kuroo doesn't understand why, doesn't understand what Tsukishima means by those words.

"What?" At this, Tsukishima smirks a little and Kuroo realizes it must've been a joke, although it flew way over his head. Tsukishima was capable of telling jokes that didn't detriment the value of other human beings? Kuroo hadn't been aware. Slowly, the quirk of his mouth flattens out and he sighs. He starts walking again and Kuroo has to jog to catch up.

"My brother plays, I guess," Tsukishima says, just as Kuroo's losing hope of the question being answered seriously. "That's why I started. Now, I play because I always have."

"Oh." Whatever Kuroo had been expecting, this isn't it. "You play for your brother?"

Tsukki nods shortly. Kuroo hadn't even known he had a brother. He's silent for a bit. Did this change anything? He doesn't think it should.

"Do you like volleyball at all?"

Tsukishima just shrugs. "It's okay, I suppose." He shoots a sidelong glance at Kuroo and smiles a little and that's all it takes. Suddenly, Kuroo is drowning those beautiful eyes that have lit up with that tiny quirk of Tsukishima's mouth and it's all Kuroo can do not to gape at that smile. He looks away quickly so his eyes don't glue themselves to Tsukishima's face, so he doesn't succumb to the urge grab him and kiss him. All he wants to do is press his lips to that smile, to memorize the way it feels so he never forgets.

"O-Okay," he stutters.

"It's not so different from how Kenma plays for you," Tsukishima points out, as if he hasn't noticed Kuroo mentally undressing him.

"Right," he mumbles, still not meeting Tsukishima's eyes. He's still trying to recover from that tiny little smile that had graced Tsukishima's face. Which is probably why him and his big mouth blurt out what they do next. He's still in a daze, totally out of it and he can't be held accountable for his actions.

"I like you."

 _No._ Tsukishima freezes. _Fuck no._ Kuroo feels sick to his stomach. His face is burning and he's suddenly very grateful for the untameable spikes of black hair falling in his face. Usually, when confessing, he doesn't just blurt it out randomly, in the middle of a conversation about something else entirely. But here he is, desperate and yearning, in love with someone completely unattainable. _Fuck._ Usually, when he's confessing, he's prepared. Usually, when confessing, he doesn't break his own heart.

"Never mind," he mumbles, wanting to disappear. Pain shoots up through his chest and settles at the bottom like a stone, dragging his heart down and subsequently bringing his stomach down with it. _What the fuck, Kuroo? Why? You've ruined everything._ Kuroo doesn't know if he can give Tsukishima up, not like this, not now.

" _What?"_ Tsukishima asks, mouth hanging open.

It's too late to play it off like he'd meant it in a friendly way. What does he say now? Confessing might be hard, but only because of what happens after.

"I – Pretend that didn't happen," Kuroo whispers, looking away. He doesn't cry a lot, but right now, he can feel pressure building behind his eyes.

Tsukishima must take that the wrong way because instead of forgetting the confession, he totally ignores everything Kuroo tries to say after it.

"You like me?"

Kuroo presses his lips together. "I guess."

"If Yamaguchi were here, he'd make me tell you how I feel."

"Don't," Kuroo mumbles, pressing his hands to his face. He hears a soft laugh and another stab of pain hits him. How can Tsukishima laugh at his feelings?

"Trust me, I don't want to. I hate talking about feelings."

"Stop it," Kuroo says again, shaking his head. Gentle hands find his wrists and pull his hands away. He keeps his eyes closed.

"I should, though, since you did," Tsukishima continues and Kuroo shakes his head.

"Don't lie. You don't have to lie to make me feel better."

"I won't," Tsukishima murmurs and lifts his hands to cup Kuroo's face. Kuroo's eyes jerk open and Tsukishima is closer than he thought. His cheeks are pink but he's still here and Kuroo wants to kiss him. His breath is warm on Kuroo's face, minty and fresh. "I like you, too."

And then his hands are in Kuroo's hair and their mouths are touching and Kuroo is starving for something he hadn't known he needed, wanting more and melting into Tsukishima. His heart is beating so fast he's sure it's going to explode and all he can think about is how _close_ they are, how it's too much and not enough. All he can think about is Tsukishima's soft blond hair tangled up in his fingers and how his face is gently bumping against Tsukishima's glasses and how it's all too much and not enough. He pulls away, gasping for air.

"Wow," he whispers and Tsukishima blushes and slides his hands from Kuroo's hair down to his waist. "Tsukki, I – wow."

"I can't believe –" Tsukishima cuts off and Kuroo raises an eyebrow.

"What?"

"I can't believe you didn't know I liked you," Tsukishima admits. "I thought it was so damn obvious."

"Shut up," Kuroo mutters, leaning his head into the crook of Tsukishima's neck. "Shut up."

He kisses the base of Tsukishimai's neck gently and sighs. He doesn't know how this is happening. Everything feels like a blur. How did he end up with his lips ghosting over Tsukki's neck, with Tsukishima's hands holding onto him? He doesn't really know, he realizes, just that he is really, really okay with it.

* * *

 _After_

* * *

 _Tsukishima_

* * *

"Bokuto's made a mess of the place," Tetsurou says, his shock of black hair even messier than usual as he lies sprawled across Kei.

Tsukishima doesn't know how Tetsuro ended here, lying on Tsukki's bed, just his insistence that he'd be here.

He knows this started _(with stupid, pathetic Bokuto Koutarou, roping him in)_ when he found Tetsurou lost in Miyagi, a couple blocks away from his house, and then _(Kuroo Tetsurou taking an interest in creating a better team of Karasuno)_ Tetsurou confessed and asked him out. He knows it continued _(because of Hinata's words – It's impossible – somehow implying that Tsukishima simply isn't capable of something, which, of course, is ridiculous, because he absolutely is)_ because Tetsurou stuck with him, even after Tsukishima admitted to his eating disorder, his words – _I could never leave_ – somehow implying that Tsukki is worth it, which, of course, is unbelievable, because to someone like Tetsurou, he absolutely shouldn't be. And he knows that it all stems back to Yamaguchi, up in his face and telling him that he's pathetic.

He also knows that he's incredibly happy that Tetsurou showed up, even though he'll have to leave soon. He should be at university. He should be practising. He should be working on an essay. There's absolutely no reason Tetsurou should be relaxing with Kei. Why is he?

"Kei," Tetsurou says, breaking the silence they've fallen into.

"Hmm," Kei hums, closing his eyes. He isn't feeling very confrontational today, not up for teasing or making sarcastic comments. He kind of likes it this way, though.

"Before we kissed…" Tetsurou starts, before trailing off, as if unsure. Kei decides to go with what little he's been given and snorts.

"We kiss a lot, Tetsurou, you'll have to be more specific."

"The first time," Tetsurou says, sticking his tongue playfully out at Kei's ribbing. Okay, so maybe he's always up for teasing.

"What about it?"

"Before, we were talking about volleyball," Tetsurou says and Kei lazily runs his fingers through his boyfriend's hair. "About why you played, and you said self-indulgence. I thought you were making a joke, but now that I think about it, that's not really your style."

There is a stretch of silence, both of them mulling over Tetsurou's words.

"Not really," Kei agrees.

"What did you mean?" Tetsurou asks softly.

"I started playing seriously because of you, you know," Kei says and Tetsurou looks up, surprised.

"Really?"

"Mmm. A little bit because of Akiteru. But mostly you."

"Why?" Tetsurou asks.

"Because I liked you," Kei shrugs, although his cheeks start to flush. All this time, and he still can't admit his feelings without turning into a blushing schoolgirl. "Because I wanted to see you, and then I wanted to impress you."

Tetsurou smiles, kissing him gently and starts to talk about university again. After a while, Kei realizes that his question is still gnawing at him.

"Tetsurou," Kei says as Tetsurou pauses from his constant yammering. He's like Yamaguchi, in a way and Kei wonders why he's drawn to people who seem to be able talk endlessly. He decides to take solace in the fact that he still can't really tolerate Hinata (or so he likes to tell himself).

"Hmm," Tetsurou hums and Kei can't help feeling slightly anxious. He tenses as Tetsurou's lips find his collarbone before relaxing into the feeling of his boyfriend's mouth licking and nipping at the base of his neck.

"Why are you here?"

It's kind of an open-ended question but Tetsurou seems to understand all the same. He momentarily relinquishes his claim on Kei's neck before replacing his mouth with his fingers. He looks up with heavy-lidded eyes and a tiny smile gracing his face.

"Kei," he murmurs, fingers endlessly tracing along Kei's chest. "I love you."

"Love you, too. Answer the question?" Kei asks. Tetsurou grins.

"Self-indulgence, of course."


End file.
